It's Getting Muggy in Here.

Time for more shameless self promotion. The blog's Zazzle store has these mugs and some other things for sale. Follow this link to see what's available. If you like something order it. Thanks!

http://www.zazzle.com/tdaalmerch*     <----- Link

Below are the designs on three other mugs. Pardon the duplication of images. The banner design mug image copied fine, but the rest came out, well, not as mugs.

There are cards with these images, you can send to folks for whatever reason or to invite them to a special game session. 

Also there are a banner pin and a banner magnet available.

Burning Cube 5e Errata

 So I updated the Burning Cube from OSR stats to 5e stats on April 9th and managed to miss some important info, It should have had a higher attack bonus to hit, and the damage should have scaled up at least a little. I went back and added the errata to the post. It may still be a little off by 5e standards, but not by much.

Mimics: An Unnecessary Work, and Other Garbage by Philip Reed

There was a recent Kickstarter for Mimics: An Unnecessary Work that I managed to miss. Complete and utter lack of awareness. Failed my Perception roll with a natural 1.

"Well", you're not wondering, "is it any good?" I'll let the creator tell you in his own words.

Welcome to Mimics, An Unnecessary Work. Designed as a completely worthless collection of ideas that gamemasters may turn to when tossing a mimic into their next dungeon, this title was created because I felt like jotting down some useless words that are likely as unnecessary as anything I have ever written. If you foolishly throw a handful of coins in my direction in exchange for this document, I apologize in advance. Though, to be fair, I did try to steer you away from spending your money on this creative effort: the name alone is a warning to all who might be tempted to buy this.

There's plenty more on the Kickstarter page, all of it done with the same tongue-in-cheek style. 

Here's the link. These things only stay readable for a short time on Kickstarter after a campaign ends so it might be useless a few months from the time of this post, much like the product.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/philipreed/mimics-an-unnecessary-work-for-use-with-fantasy-rpgs?fbclid=IwAR0ClDVH2MH6Y0Ik3UModdZ6E2RLqrp_PEHWn-C6yUq-zXCZWjbR-ZAduP4

Philip decided to flood the RPG marketplace with more useless junk to accumulate with the already terrible detritus most "creators" vomit up. Here again in his own words is Philip.

As always, everything I have put to paper should be ignored once you realize just how worthless it truly is. I am positive that your own creativity can lead to far better ideas than I’ve offered in the unnecessary work.

What can I say that Philip Reed isn't doing a great job of elucidating on himself?

This guy isn't shy about producing things nobody needs in formats nobody would reasonably want to use. Here again is Philip.

Those who have followed my creative efforts have no doubt recognized that I enjoy tackling formats well outside of the norm. I recently ran a Kickstarter campaign for Tome of Skulls (already shipped to backers!) that embraced a new product format: the Pocket Map! When I ran across pocketmaps.com, a website specializing in small maps that can fold down and slip into a pocket, I just had to give them a shot. The end result looks so good that I am back with a second product in the pocket map format! 

But this menace to gaming society didn't stop there. He also produced other similar pocket map sized atrocities.

Yes Philip, Gelatinous Cubes do indeed rule.

So there it is, a huge waste of space, unless like me, you're enamored with adding to your collection of gaming materials that may never see use in your campaign. 

Of course I bought the four of them that are right now available in .pdf format on Drive-Thru RPG. I paid in Butt Pennies.

In all honesty I love a good self deprecating sense of humor coupled with fun creations. Philip Reed did a masterful job of creating humorous and useful material.

The colorful art and graphic design is pleasing to the eye and while most of us will never be able to refold the physical versions back into their original pocket shape, at least once framed, they will make great double-sided free-hanging posters.

Give these a look. At $3.95 each for the .pdf version it likely won't break your wallet, and who knows, you may find they make great bid cage liners!

Note: The Kickstarter for this was a success, funding at over 300%. Good job!

New Monster (Unique, Legendary) - Burning Cube (Updated for 5e)

Embuk kicked and swam for all he was worth through the cold waters of the underground lake. He prayed that the horrible creature could not cross the water.

A trail of ashes behind the thing were all that remained of his companions Maluk and Zefram. They had tried to fight back after the cube-like monstrosity slammed into them at the intersection of hallways. They had not noticed it coming.

It was as the rumors had said, a wizard had dropped his powerful wand of fireballs only to see it engulfed by a massive nearly invisible cube of slime. Now, imbued with the elemental energies of the wand the creature wanders the caverns and worked hallways beneath the ruins incinerating its victims.

Zefram had struck it full on with the point of his spear only to suffer a retributive blast of flames gushing from the wound. Maluk fared no better, though he did not become paralyzed, the thing wrapped itself around, absorbing him. Within its transparent form he burned to charred cynders over the next several seconds, writhing and screaming the whole time.

Embuk fired his crossbow and sadly sealed Zefram's fate as another gout of fire burst forth and down Zefram went. The thing lurched forward over his fallen companion and Embuk ran.

Burning Cube (Unique Legendary Creature) modifications:

To convert the Gelatinous Cube from the 5th edition Monster Manual into the Burning Cube change all damage types to fire. Add immunity to fire. Remove the paralytic ability. Add a retributive attack 3d6 fire in an area effect 15' cone beginning next to the cube, when damaged by slashing or piercing weapons (DC15 Dexterity Save for half damage). Upon death the Burning Cube explodes in a 20' radius inflicting 8d6 fire damage, DC 15 Dexterity Save for half damage. Give it maximum 120 hit points. Change CR to 4 (Legendary and Lair). If you decide to keep the paralyzing capability, adjust the CR to 5.

Errata: increase the attack modifier by +1 more, increase damage to 3d8 and 6d8 for the pseudopod and engulf respectively.

The retributive burst of fire is not a recharge feature, it happens automatically immediately when triggered. If the triggering attack is ranged, the effect still happens beginning in the square next to the  cube.

Legendary Actions (3 charges): At the end of an enemy's turn the Burning Cube may take one of these actions as described in the Monster Manual.

Pseudopod (cost 1 charge) or Engulf (cost 2 charges, including the additional movement).

Lair Actions: On an initiative count of 20 (losing initiative ties) the cube takes a lair action to cause one of the following effects.

Ceiling Collapse. A small section of the ceiling above collapses onto one enemy within 60' of the cube. The target takes 4d6 damage and must make a DC15 Dexterity Saving Throw. Success reduces the damage to half. Failure results in the creature being restrained and prone. Freeing the creature from the restrained condition requires using an action and a strength check with a DC of 20. 

 Sticky Surface. An area 10' in diameter within 30' of the cube becomes difficult terrain reducing movement by half.

This monster is inspired by the blog banner and this piece of art created for The Dice Are A Lie by Mark Allen.

On the Origin of the Gelatinous Cube

For this one I solicited feedback from some Grognards Who Play 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons, on Facebook. Below is what it inspired.

The creature in D&D known as the Gelatinous Cube has been a fun toy for DMs to employ against their unsuspecting player characters since early in the game, but what in-game origin story can we attribute to its existence?

I have never seen the monster used in any wilderness settings, only in the confines of caverns or dungeons within adventure modules. Why might that be and what can we do to change that up a bit?

Jeff Kesselman believes that it may be official canon they were created by wizards to act as a kind of street sweeper for keeping dungeons clean. 

I recall something along those lines, but it seems like overkill and a dangerous thing to let loose in areas you yourself have to pass through. After-all, why would you make it transparent? That would raise the possibility that you may accidentally run into your own creation while trying to reach the bathroom. There's also the expense of installing all those metal doors to keep it from dissolving wooden ones and getting into sensitive areas.

"I think I'll grab some lunch. Dammit! The cube ate all my Ramen again!"

Anonymous suggested an article in Dragon Magazine #124 by Ed Greenwood. You can find it at this link. https://annarchive.com/files/Drmg124.pdf    <----- Link

Ed's article is a short, fun read like the other Ecology articles in Dragon, but it doesn't address the heart of the topic, the origins of the creature.

Cullen Blackthorne imagines a cube of enormous proportions due to all the organic material it could absorb in the event it escaped the dungeon.

An area of barren landscape would certainly be a sign of the presence of an escaped Gelatinous Cube. Per the Greenwood article it would be very likely to split into more hungry cubes often than to get too large, but then you have a problem akin to an out of control forest fire! Wow, heroes needed for sure!

Martin Nussbaum offered this link from Wikipedia about slime molds to aid in thinking about how Gelatinous Cubes might function. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slime_mold  <----- LINK

Having read this information I can now see Cullen's previous point about enormous cubes. Imagine a renegade cube in an isolated mountain valley splitting into hundreds of cubes as they devour every bit of organic matter. Then they recombine and surge over the mountain peaks to bear down on a nearby city. No need for a tarrasque when you have a foe like that. Truly horrifying.

Charles Ciaffone posits that mages may have accidentally created Gelatinous Cubes when sealing off a stronghold and trying to protect it with a more potent version of the spell Guards and Wards, and something went slightly awry. It would certainly aid in protecting the location from intruders of the adventuring kind.

Accidental creation could certainly be the case when you think about transparency as discussed above, but what accounts for the untypical shape? If  intentional could the original creator have been attempting to build an ooze based golem and used a cubic mold? 

Bob Curtis pointed to their possible use deep below a toilet in order to create a stink and waste free disposal.

The drawback here is that Cubes can climb on walls and ceilings like a snail. They also aren't inclined to sit still for long instead wandering on the search for more food. The result could be one fatal bowel movement.

Brian Sailor says the age old answer is always "a mad wizard did it."

Much like the Owlbear is believed to have been created by a mad wizard, so too could the Gelatinous Cube be a product of madness, but here's the real question; was the wizard insane mad or angry mad? It's conceivable that a pissed off spellcaster might drop one of these off in the offender's lair as a nasty surprise.

"You've crossed me for the last time Bantragemus. Here's a gift you'll be dying to receive."

In the depths of a dungeon laboratory Velard Yellow-Wand prepared the Mithril vat. Velard wanted to craft something unexpected for unwanted guests to deal with. Something that could clean up after itself and not leave his abode cluttered with the corpses of interlopers and thieves. It had to be able to ambush prey so it needed to remain unseen until it was too late, but imbuing a creature with invisibility would be very difficult. What if it was simply transparent?  It also needed to prevent passage beyond it, to be like a moving wall. Looking down at his desk Velard noticed his pair of bone dice. "Aha! A cube! One born of an ooze!" 

Chris Kelly thinks that Gary Gygax may have smoked an enormous biffter, ate most of the Jello, then plunked the remaining cube down on the game table.

We may need to ask Luke Gygax if we want to learn the real life origin of the Gelatinous Cube, but for in-game origins it can be whatever you want as the answer to the mystery. Regardless of the answer, have a little fun with this beastie in your game.

Special thanks to everyone on Facebook that contributed information and ideas to help bring this post to life. Tomorrow's post will be a 5e update of a unique Gelatinous Cube that I created in the early days of the blog for a B/X style rule set.

Have fun and happy gaming!

Pearls of Wisdom: Do oozes create pearls?

We know that oysters create pearls by coating irritants in material to ease the discomfort. Could the same be said of oozes?

Typically an ooze dissolves most objects into a form they then devour for sustenance. The remainder is then ejected from their body to be left in their wake as they continue the perpetual search for more food. But what if tiny particulates sometimes remained, unpassed inside the body of the ooze? Might leftovers of very tiny, dust-like size remain and perhaps act as irritants?

While most oozes would conceal these minute treasures within their opaque membrane, the Gelatinous Cube would be an exception. Older cubes might gradually accumulate clouds of encased particles which if observed in sufficient lighting would help reveal their presence.

 Thousands of these little pearls could be carried about until large enough to be expelled by the creature. Following a trail of pearls through a dungeon or cavern might lead adventurers into great danger as they encounter what looks like a reflective star field ahead in the darkness.

Treasure comes in many forms, but the wise remain cautious about the source and oozes would be a dangerous source indeed.