Do Dragons Shit in their Hoard? (Things you can't unthink)

I was recently treated to a surprise party and the cake was D&D themed. The main cake was a DM's Guide book upon which sat a dragon's hoard and a black dragon with eggs sleeping atop it. The hoard was created from chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil. When removing the hoard of coins from beneath the dragon, some of them were coated with bits of the caramel icing from the book cake below, and this got me thinking.

In the real world (you know, the crutch for people that can't handle fantasy) hibernating creatures do indeed defecate and urinate during their long sleep. In fantasy, dragons are said to sleep sometimes for centuries between rampages. While it doesn't really matter for telling stories it might be fun for DM's that like to gross-out, inconvenience, or otherwise poke fun at the players and their characters, to add dragon feces to the list of things found in a hibernating dragon's hoard.

While nearly all fantasy stories completely ignore the unclean aspects of reality, unless we're talking about Game of Thrones, it might be fun to explore how much more difficult for our adventurers these things can make recovering treasure from lairs. Over the dragon's lifetime it has accumulated wealth during each rampage and then hibernated upon the pile creating strata of secreted waste that a geologist could use to determine the age of the beast and maybe when each rampage began and ended. The collection of filthy lucre would have things glued together, stuff that is a challenge to identify, and would add weight and bulk to what is collected.

"You're trying to pay for a room at my inn using shit caked money?! Bunch o' fuckin' murder hobos, get out of my tavern!"

Admittedly, walking around with packs full of loot reeking of dragon waste may keep some creatures away from the party, it is just as likely to draw others to camp. "Do you want assassin bugs? 'cause that's how you get assassin bugs." Imagine crossing through another dragon's territory leaving a trail of scent along the way. Will the offended dragon follow the scent trail to the party or back to the rest of the hoard? If to the hoard, will it be there should the party return for more treasure, or maybe to the town where they carried the loot? The odor of dragon waste might make for an interesting problem to overcome.

If any reader has done this or does do something like this please come and comment a brief bit about how the players reacted. Hopefully it's some funny shit.

Lost Baronies of Lendore Isle - Session #1

The characters found themselves standing on the docks of Restenford with only a small amount of their personal property and a writ from the Ten Islands Trading Syndicate worth 100 gold if presented to the right persons. The rest of their equipment was on board the Harlot's Due, missing at sea since the storm separated the 4 ship convoy.

After some discussion and asking for information from some of the local fishermen, they decided to visit the abbey of Phaulkon, god of the seas and good weather, where Pedro a priest and devotee of the deity would try to exchange the writ for gold.

Meanwhile Fred Stone, Tok, and Seamus made their way to a dockside bar named Falco's Tavern to gather information about local places to buy new equipment and to find lodging for the night.

Out on the dock, two hapless laborers were being harrangued by a smiling dwarf as they struggled with unloading goods from a boat. Pausing, he introduced himself as Gap and suggested they go inside and talk to his brother Falco who would be behind the bar. He also quietly told Fred that Falco would serve him a special free drink, being a fellow dwarf.

Meira, Rowena, Elanna, and Samson decided their time would best be spent exploring the town.

At the abbey Pedro met with Almon the Curate who explained that Qualton the Abbot was away on church business.

After the writ was exchanged they passed some time discussing Pedro's mission and local matters affecting the church. Almon explained that the Baron did not look favorably on the church after a prolonged series of events during which he felt the priesthood failed to aid the town in a sufficient manner. He also warned Pedro to beware bandits that have been troubling travelers to and from Restenford.

At Falco's, Seamus watched with amusement and Tok engaged in some wagering with some of the patrons as Fred tried to chug beer from a large stone flagon the size of his head, and ended up drenched in a potent beer reserved for dwarven customers. Falco, sufficiently amused, quietly offered Fred "room and board for a mere 4 silver", while his "usual price to non-dwarves is 11 silver and still the cheapest in town", although he has few rooms available. Fred also inquired with Falco if he knew anything about an ancient dwarven stronghold named Crackhelm*. This seemed to amuse Falco, but gained no useful information.

Meeting back up, the party went on a shopping spree to get some gear. Left with very little money, they decided it might not be a bad idea to try to find the bandits, defeat them, and gain some loot with which to support themselves.

Off they went looking for the bridge the Curate had indicated as the main ambush site where the bandits seemed to operate. This proved to be their lucky day and their plan to walk into the ambush and win went better than expected with all 7 Orc bandits dead and not a single injury among the party.

A well placed sleep spell, combined with good rolls for the party and bad rolls for the bandits made this a very quick and lopsided fight.

The party came away with no coins, however there were 4 gems, a scroll with two second level arcane spells, and plenty of equipment to either keep or sell.

The session ended with the party tossing the looted Orcs into the river, bundling up the weapons, armor, and other items, and heading back toward town.

* Crackhelm is something I am developing for possible publication.